Question your questions

You are on the plane on your way back home. Your negotiation didn’t go as planned. And now you are trying to figure out why. What happened?

You remember in detail the preparation done in the office, the many meetings in which you discussed the strategy and tactics to be followed. The last details were, as always, discussed during your inbound flight.

Special attention was given to preparing the questions. You made sure a list of questions was drafted during the prep. All in all, you were confident that you would deliver a great result.

Now, while flying home, you realize that the negotiation wasn’t the huge success you had hoped for.

Professional negotiators have one thing in common: each and every negotiation is analysed in detail, either by themselves or in meetings with other participants and colleagues. What can be done better in your next negotiation? What went well and should be repeated?

In this particular negotiation, the key question was asked halfway through the meeting. The question was soundly formulated. It was an open question starting with ‘what’, it was formulated in a way as to invite the other party to share their objectives with us. With the answer to that question, you would be able to determine whether there was a possibility to partner up and what the next steps could be. Then the game would be on.

However, the very moment after the question was asked, again: exactly as it was prepared, one of the members of your team started suggesting answers. As a result, your counterparts were not given the time and space to come to their answer.

'Aha Erlebnis'

But now you have the ‘Aha Erlebnis’. You, and your team, should have been silent for at least 10 full seconds after asking the question. Your counterparts were invited to take the floor. Not you.

The execution of the questions took away all the strength of the questions you so carefully prepared.

We are learning more and more about the power of questions, and thanks to that, questions are now a central part of each negotiation. We, however, do not spend enough time on how to ask the question.

What can we learn from this example? Don’t ruin your question with the wrong follow-up!

In sum:

Ask ‘open’ questions, ‘what’, ‘how’, ‘when’ and preferably not ‘why’. The ‘why’ question can be interpreted as too direct, it is better to change a ‘why’ question into a ‘what is the reason that?’
Prepare your key questions before the negotiation, write them down and memorize them but avoid making them staccato
Practice the delivery of the question. The tone of voice and body language make a difference. Use a calm soothing voice, don’t speak too fast, and make sure your body language is calming
Train yourself to be comfortable with the question and make sure you keep quiet after asking the question. Don’t ruin your question by being the first one to speak after asking your question. A good trick is to silently count to ten after asking the question. You can verify if the question was well understood by observing the body language of your counterpart

Last but not least, the whole point of negotiating is to uncover new information. Make sure you listen carefully to the answer you will receive! Rather than just sticking to your list you should use the answer(s) to determine what your follow-up question should be.

Don’t be so focused on your questions that you forget to listen to the answers.

What could you have done better in your last negotiation?

Good luck!

Sound Negotiator:
experts on negotiation

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