Negotiation is an innate talent; every child is a great negotiator. Especially when dealing with adults. My nieces and nephews are a source of inspiration for me. What’s mine is mine, what’s yours, is negotiable. Any parent and grandparent will recognize my observation.
Practice also means devoting time to analysing your negotiations. What did I do right, what did I do wrong and what did the opponent do in my last negotiation? What happened, and what was the response to my communication? What can I learn from it? Children are not bothered by that. They have a clear goal. They either get it or they don’t. And, they know their position. New rounds, new chances.
“No,” said the person at the other side of the table, “we don’t agree.” in our team, we looked at each other in bewilderment. We made a good offer, didn’t we? Our should-cost model was correct, our proposal was reasonable and well-substantiated on all sides. Why didn’t the other party agree?
The negotiation took place in Africa. The preparation had taken a lot of time, we had invested days in analysing and sorting all the data. Thanks to our should-cost model, we knew exactly what to offer to make a deal. But all excel sheets and power point presentations turned out to be in vain. The answer was: ‘no!’.
Although there was no animosity on the part of the opposing team, they in turn were also surprised by our approach. Data isn’t the only thing that matters, is it? Why were we not more concerned with the relationship and the future of the collaboration?
In the time after this unsuccessful negotiation, it gradually became clear that negotiation is more than putting rational arguments on the table to convince the opposing party. The question is whether the other party wants to make decisions that help you progress.
The rational method of negotiation, supported by statistics, is still dominant in our (Western) culture. However, when you study the literature, especially the writings of experienced negotiators, you will find that they are well aware of the important role that emotions and relationships play. In ‘Never split the difference’, Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator, lays much emphasis on the personal side of the negotiation. Empathy, relationships, and the creation of an atmosphere, of willingness to consult and negotiate, is essential.
Hostage negotiations are about life and death. So, a negotiator cannot afford to make mistakes. “The key to negotiating,” Voss says, “is to unlock profitable human interactions.”
For example, everyone wants to be heard. So let the other person speak. You help the other person by asking open questions. With the information you receive, you learn what drives the other person; what is important to this person? All this sounds like something simple, something we may all know, but it is necessary to create an environment in which negotiations can be successful.
After acquiring this knowledge, you can either conclude that you can help each other or not. Does the other want something that you cannot provide? In that case, you are not helping the other person by convincing him or her of something that is not necessary. As a good negotiator, you also know when you cannot help each other and that there is nothing to gain.
If you know what the other person is looking for and that you can deliver it, it is important to show that you can make a difference with your proposal. Negotiation is finding out whether you can help each other by solving each other’s problems.
One of Chris Voss’s great inspirators is Jim Camp. A legend who wrote the book ‘Start with no’, published in 2002. His book was the counterpart of the book ‘Getting to yes’ by Roger Fisher and William Ury published in 1981.
While Fisher and Ury are trying to reach an agreement by arguing that reason is above emotion, Camp points out that decisions are not just rational. Emotion strongly influences your decisions.
The title ‘Start with no’ is to teach negotiators not to look for a ‘yes’. Camp argues that yes is often misused. There are three possible answers to a question: ‘Yes’, ‘No’ and ‘Maybe’. We often say yes while we think maybe or no. We often say maybe when we mean no. How often, on the other hand, do we say no and mean yes or maybe? Psychological research has proven that saying no is sometimes difficult, but it has also proven that no is much more likely to be a sincere answer than yes.
Camp’s method is therefore to invite the opposing party to say no. No puts the other person at ease, it feels nice to indicate your limits. After the other has spoken out and has been honest, your conversation will go more smoothly, now the boundaries have been set.
Negotiation is a craft; you cannot rely on ‘talent’ or ‘intuition’. On the contrary, good negotiators are well prepared. A good negotiator has role-played before the real negotiation takes place. A good negotiator will have a list of questions ready, and a list of tips and tricks. What should I do and what should I not do?
You can’t haggle at random. You need a process and structured conduct which determines your performance throughout the negotiation. Such also holds for the preparation. During the negotiation, you will feel grateful for the structure and your preparation. Why? Because negotiating is hard work. You are listening, observing, and figuring out how to react as you try to interpret all the impressions. If you do that without structure and preparation, you will have too much to think about.
The above is also a nice introduction to the future of negotiation. What’s the next development? You need support to do the above things properly. Negotiators take observers with them for important negotiations, you can’t do it alone. You prepare with a team.
Technological support will play a more important role. With specialized software, you can structure the preparation and discuss the preparation more efficiently with your team. There are initiatives to support negotiations with Artificial Intelligence, where the technology does not take over the negotiation but rather supports the negotiator with structured advice.
Software is now capable of negotiating, both with other software and with people. The question is whether this ultimately will yield satisfying feelings. And how do you get that little bit extra out of a collaboration when the human aspect has to be taken over by AI?
Finally, a tip for all negotiators, starting with a quote from Chris Voss: “The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don’t know you’re in.” Train yourself to recognize a negotiation. Try to structure, prepare and analyse your negotiations. Do not forget that as a human being you are negotiating with another human being; the human dimension is essential.
Now you may think, “What if the other person also knows and uses this method? What awaits me then?” Good news, in that situation a pleasant respectful negotiation awaits where both parties will be happy with the outcome. You are both busy solving the other’s problem, what more could you wish for?
Get in touch with us so that we can find out where you are going as a negotiator, team or company. We would like to find out what we can do for you if we decide to collaborate.
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